Meep

November already!! Once Christmas break passes, everything goes by super fast. I hope that phrase is 10x truer this year.

Anyway, I'm oddly content. This year is at a point right now where I know my schedule, I know my teachers, I know how far I can procrastinate before going too far (and I've also gone too far), and everything's predictable. And I'm so busy. SO busy. But I like that, because it makes me content. It's not a voluntary contentness or anything, but it's just such a rush that you have to be content, or else you don't have your shit together and everything falls apart. I like that. This involuntary contentness. Keeping myself busy is the best way to not think about SC. I was just about to give up today (when I was not busy - imagine that) when Adeeb called me and told me that my name is still on the SC list for AP scholars. Ha. That made my day :D Little things. I dunno. I guess the most important things in life are the ones that are capable of causing you great distress/misery and happiness/love at the same time. I didn't even realize how much I had going on until I applied to Cal Poly and it asked me how many hours per week I devoted to volunteering and extra-curriculars. Apparently it's over 30 hours. What. o_O

We have another football game tomorrow. Everyone is going through metal detectors. And no bags allowed.

The weirdest thing at Wilson is that there isn't a boy (or girl?) to impress. I can just go to school smelly and gross and not give a fuck. :D

So, I pick now to have an identity crisis. For some reason I picked history as alt. major for my UC apps. I hate choosing one thing to devote my life to. And I hate the idea of going to med school just 'cause both my parents did.
The engineering club at my school is like a really bad reality show, and I'm like the quiet little girl in the corner who doesn't get screen time 'cause she doesn't appear to have dramatic problems. But I enjoy the view from the corner.
And of course I miss Ben.

http://www.presstelegram.com/ci_13680303


Anyway, I don't know. Last night felt like shit, but it was a dazed kind of shit. A kind of, "oh my god is this really going on???" thing. I can't describe how I feel right now, and neither can the rest of the band that were there. Actually, except for the bunch of ASSHOLES that dare to call themselves the drumline. WHAT DO THEY NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT TOO SOON FOR JOKES. I don't understand why a person has to die like that. I don't even understand why I'm so depressed by this. I didn't even personally know her. All I know is I was there, in the building next to the street where it happened. All I know is that she was there at the homecoming rally along with the rest of us while the Black Eyed Peas were singing about how tonight was going to be a good night. And I know that I do not want to cross that street to get to the other side of school.

Today we all woke up super early for our first competition. Not like any of us wanted to be there so soon after last night. We jay walked because we didn't want to use that crosswalk. The field show was exhilarating. Are we even allowed to be exhilarated anymore? I feel like the earth should stop. Our band sat next to the Poly band. No tension there? No hard feelings sustained from last night? I guess it wasn't their fault that we were playing them last night. But that's it. What if we had played somebody else for homecoming? Poly and Wilson have harbored tension and rivalry dating almost a century back. Not so many people would've shown up for homecoming if we were playing some other school. A crowd of 6000? Ugh.

Today when we got back from our competition, there was a memorial for her at the crosswalk. The band had no choice but to tactlessly walk through it. I felt so bad. It was so bad. It was just everything. All these familiar faces crying. All these people filing in with flowers. Everything from last night just flashed back.

I'm sick of losing friends! Seriously, start giving a fuck and don't let me go so easily, and I'll do the same with you. The feelings of a breakdown worsens with you feel like you have nobody to talk to.

This is the part of the movie where you're lost and confused. As opposed to all other movies, this part is dragged out and the ending is uncertain. 

In 500 Days of Summer, how long did Tom actually spend with Summer, and how long did he spend trying to get over Summer?

Not really. I wish my life was back to the days of Olympiada and Ride. For some reason I find myself thinking about that first visual at the beginning of Olympiada and how ridiculous it was that Daniel wanted us on our knees (hehe), and people complaining about getting their bibbers dirty while I had no idea what bibbers were. Maybe it's 'cause that's how everything started. But does it have to end with this?

Just a few updates.

Don't ever take 8 classes. At once. In one semester. With 5 APs. Ever. I have a feeling those bags under my eyes are not going to disappear any time soon. But I neeeeeed these A's. Just one more semester. Just 'til the end of January!!

People here are really stupid. Or maybe I'm really stupid. I think I'm just judgmental. They're all nicely settled. I'm kind of not.

Marching band. Finished second movement, learned drill for half of third. First competition on Halloween. This other school is doing a compilation of songs from Tim Burton movies, so it will be quite fitting. I hope we get to stay to watch it. The Wilson band is good - really good, in my opinion, but maybe it's because I have the crappy season from last year to compare to? What else is out there? We're not good to the point of being able to make straight lines or anything, but I think people from bleachers could actually figure out what shapes we are attempting to make. I just don't feel like I'm actually IN the band. I just feel like I'm marching with a bunch of strangers who have no idea who I really am. They probably consider me a stranger too. What's the point of being in a perfect diagonal when I have no idea who they are? I had a place in the SC band, boobs and all, and maybe even a little bit of respect. No yelling privileges over here. And the section leader might as well be a sack of potatoes.

Not much more here. Just an overwhelmingly isolated senior year.
 

ANDREW STOP READING MY BLOGS.

Off to Vegas!

EVERYTHING IS RUINED FOREVER.

These last three days have been heavenly.

US HISTORY - 4
BIOLOGY - 5
ENGLISH - 4
CALCULUS BC - 2
CALC AB SUBSCORE - 3


YAAAAAY YAAAAAAAY YAAAAAAAAAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY WOZ HE IS THE BEST TEACHER EVER MY BRAIN IS STILL FILLED WITH THOUGHTS OF XYLEM AND ANGIOSPERM AND HE IS THE WIZARD OF WOZ!!!!

ALSO I AM SATISFIED WITH CALCULUS BECAUSE I LEFT 1/4 OF THE TEST BLANK AND SO IT IS GOOD AND I WILL TAKE MY AB SUBSCORE AND LEAVE IT AT THAT.

I hate everyone. Get me out of here!!!!

Send me to Central Park!

"So where are you from?"

"Santa Clara"

"Oh, you mean Santa Clarita?"

"No"

Marching Band Camp
At Wilson High School
August 24-28 and August 31-September 4, 2:00pm - 7:30pm
Mandatory camp attendance to be assured a spot in the Wilson field show!
Bring a snack each day

AGH! Too bad my mother scheduled a trip to China in late August, meaning I'll be missing out on the first week of band camp meaning - CRAP, AM I GOING TO BE STUCK WITHOUT A BAND TO BE IN? Or is this just an empty threat, like those of Erickson? D: I don't know this Jew!!!

OSO (I am pretty sure this date was a typo on the Wilson music page. If not, these bitches are hardcore!)

First Field Show at Wilson Football Game
Friday, September 4, 7:00pm - 9:30pm

Oh, and school starts September 9th. Weird, right? I wonder when I'll graduate...

And another thing:

Summer Get-Together! - All Are Invited!
July 22 at 6:00pm
Not required, but will be fun! A chance to see how summer is going and get your questions answered

Yay / Nay? A chance to meet my section leader before he/she yells his/her lungs out at me for missing band camp. Ah, one thing that's good about Wilson is that I no longer have to yell at people. :D

SOMEBODY SHOOT ME AGAIN! THE LAST SHOT DIDN'T WORK! I AM NOT DEAD YET!

SOMEBODY SHOOT ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright, so the past few days have been slow and hard.

Moving day:
It was nice of Ben to show up and help and find some closure and all that good stuff. I got to ride in the U-Haul with my father so it wasn't awkward and I wasn't angry for 6 hours. But Poland is still a douchebag. A HUGE douchebag. I don't even know where to begin, so I will simply summarize and say what an awful person he is. Hopefully he rots in the different levels of hell in that one book by that one guy. Jesus H. Christ -_-

Second day:
Went to Wilson, not as intimidating as it was the first time I saw it, but still big and huge, kind of like a black person's dick compared to Santa Clara, if SC was an asian person's dick. But that's a horrible comparison. Anyway, it's just..big. So after an hour with my counselor, my fate for next year was decided, which involved a bunch of jumping through hoops and getting through loopholes and all that. But anyway, I am A LOT of credits behind (they require 280, compared to 230 of SC). Well ok, technically, they want 220, but they have this Distinguished Scholar program for weirdos like me who like medals on their necks at graduation and who love stickers on certificates and all that. Anyway, I AM CRAZY. So I am shooting for the 280. It might not work because freshman bio class was not honors and so this year I have to take two hnrs/ap science classes to make up for it...and it also might not work because I am RIDICULOUSLY STUPID!!! So to make up for credits, my counselor (SHE IS SOOOOOO HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) signed me up for SUMMER SCHOOL, which starts MONDAY (tomorrow?!!??!!!???!!!??!!!). But it's only health, so I can have a pretty easy summer, I guess. I'm still on the look out for a job and stuff, but for now I'm just nervous/excited/about to shit my pants for summer school tomorrow. Hopefully health class won't be full of stupid drugged up sluts who are too lazy and retarded to pay attention during the regular school year. UGH. Oh, and summer school also requires uniforms, which freaked me out 'cause I had nothing to wear. Good thing the office was LOADED with random crap that stores around here donated due to lack of customer interest. Therefore I received a lot of free clothing...yay? They'll be going through my sewing machine before they see the light of day at school. So..yeah...that's been my life lately.

Sneak preview of next year:
-AP English
-Spanish 7-8
-AP Statistics
-AP US GOV/POLITICS
-AP Psychology
-AP Physics
-Band 1-8
-Anatomy and Physiology Hnrs.

Yes..you counted correctly. It is indeed 8 classes. They have block schedule every day so I guess I can do that (4 classes a day?). But anyway, I'm still deciding on whether or not I can handle it. I mean, if I can't, then I'll have to drop the class I'm MOST excited about!!! 'Cause psychology doesn't count as a science, but an elective -_- Bleh.

Oh and I think I'm sick 'cause I've been throwing up a lot. My mother thinks I'm pregnant.

This week was pretty much the best week ever! I had so much fun and I got to see all (well, most) of the people that I like, and it was just...awesome! So much has happened and I'm trying to be eloquent in describing everything but anything that comes out just turns into utter happiness mumble jumble. It seems unreal that I am moving, this...dark idea that's looming closer and closer in upon me (2 days???????). I feel like it's a dream or something. Denial. I guess this is just, an overwhelming amount of good before all the bad stuff comes (I am a staunch believer in the balance of good and bad things...unfortunately). I got to see Jo for the first time...in...a while, and I actually got to have a goodbye "party", which was cool 'cause I never had one of those before, and I got to watch Star Trek, which, I have to admit, is the cooolest movie EVER!!!!!!!!! Ok, not really "ever", but I loved it, which totally surprised me! Ah, all these things are moving so fast, I am overwhelmed by joy, this is horrible, I feel like something terrible is going to happen just to balance out all this joy.

And tonight...was so sad! I was all happy and then it was time to say goodbye to my friends and it was the saddest thing ever when Sarah came up to hug me and started to cry because as much as I hate to admit it, it made me cry and I hate crying infront of people because it makes me feel like a pussy (but Sarah ain't no pussy). But as depressing as that was, it made me realize what awesome friends I have.

Sorry this post wasn't as articulate as it could've been.

My grade in biology suddenly and miraculously went from a B (which I had for this whole semester) to an A-!!! Ah, I love being happy about grades. And Woz is not so bad. I have just decided. More teachers should embrace this drop-the-lowest-test-score thing, especially Piumarta, but I've decided to accept my B in calculus because I have done nothing for that class all semester and that is the class I fall asleep in the most XD. It's not a good idea to have AP math first thing in the morning..or any time. Ugh. And the funny thing is - I have an A- in band. I have somehow made sure to do nothing at all, and yet do enough so that I can get at least 90 percent in band. Sweet. I love being a slacker. I've recently embraced that word due to Erickson's message in my yearbook.

Anyway, I can't sleep. I think I have an insomniac's high, whatever that is.
Oh, and finally, my grades on schoolloop spell "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Ugh, today was so movie cheesey that it could've been turned into a cheese kabob.
Day two w/o seeing Eva at school.

Also, I now have a B+ in US as well. That makes my total number of B's to an ASTOUNDING three. I am going to the deepest level of Hell, and nobody can stop me except for Liao, Piumarta, and Wozadlo. Oh Lardy, what am I going to do???????

I'm glad I got to experience prom with my best friends, including Sarah, who patiently served us even though she deserved to sit at the table on one of our laps. (or maybe all of our laps). I hope Eva and I actually get to serve at Sarah's prom. That would be so exciting! I will ROFL and LMAO and LOL and all that if Sarah goes with Michael Holt.

Prom was prom. It was nice, and carpety, and I loved the chocolate fountain and the creme brulee. We were one of the first people to eat, which was weird cause I was already full of apple cider and awesome food at Julia's house. I actually...danced, which was strange for me, and I think I tried to dirty dance but it didn't work that well. And I bumped into one of the people in the sex tape, so I touched a porn star. Ha. I got to see all the people's pretty dresses, and Alex, I didn't know she was going to prom, but she looked so beautiful! More so than usual. I got to admire all of the people's shoes, and I got to laugh at all the people who couldn't move with ease due to their floor-length dresses. Bwuahaha. I got to dance to Lady GaGa, and the A-er song, which I still don't know the name of, and which still annoys the crap out of me, but I think that's why I danced to it, cause it was annoying and nameless. Then I got to slow dance, which was weird, cause I've never done that before, and I found it kind of boring, so we started to dance normally and then people looked at me weird so I conformed. X_X Oh, and I kept on having to pull my dress up, but, oh well, that was fun too. Haha, and then it was over, which was strange, because it felt really really fast! We got picked up by Celia, and she gave me a ride home, which was not awkward at all. Yay! I thought I was going to have to dig a hole of awkwardness and hide in it. But that was unnecessary. Whew.

I woke up at 2 today. And then I took a shower with tons of conditioner so I could comb my hair out. :D

joannaxree (8:49:05 PM): i'm so glad i get to see you
viefdee (8:49:10 PM): :D
viefdee (8:49:10 PM): me too
viefdee (8:49:15 PM): i'm taking tons of pictures of everyone
viefdee (8:49:19 PM): people think i'm crazy
viefdee (8:49:21 PM): and that i'm a stalker
viefdee (8:49:21 PM): but
viefdee (8:49:27 PM): these days i just cant get enough for santa clara
joannaxree (8:49:36 PM): if you come to my party
joannaxree (8:49:46 PM): you can take as many pictures as you want!